“He’s a Genius”: Wall Street Praises Bezos for Dick-Pic Moxie

The past few weeks have been pretty tough on billionaire Jeff Bezos, at least relative to his usual circumstances, and not those of, say, people who work in coal mines or Amazon warehouses. In January, he and his wife of 25 years, MacKenzie Bezos, announced they were splitting up, in what could be the most expensive divorce in human history. Shortly thereafter, The National Enquirer published a story revealing his affair with Lauren Sanchez, and the sexts that went with it. Then, earlier this month, Donald Trump’s tabloid of choice allegedly tried to blackmail the tech founder, threatening to publish, among other things, a “below the belt selfie — otherwise colloquially known as a ‘d--k pick [sic],” unless Bezos agreed to drop his investigation into how his private correspondence ended up in the Enquirer’s hands.

Normally, if the C.E.O. of a public company was caught in a scandal involving photos of his genitalia, the board would be under intense pressure by shareholders to say you gotta go, with Wall Street analysts writing concerned notes to clients about said C.E.O.’s ability to focus in the midst of thousands of stories being written about his penis. Luckily for Bezos, that hasn’t happened, because 1) he’s the chairman of Amazon’s board, and 2) Wall Street apparently believes he has the unique ability to juggle running multiple businesses and nude-selfie drama all at once.

“Bezos is an individual who has the capacity to work on multiple fronts at the same time. He doesn’t get distracted easily,” gushed Tom Forte, an analyst at D.A. Davidson who sees the Amazon’s stock price rising to $2,450 a share, in comments to CNN. “Look at his ability to concurrently advance Amazon, own The Washington Post, and develop Blue Origin from scratch. That has in no way detracted from his ability to run Amazon.” Norm Conley, C.E.O. of JAG Capital Management, agreed, saying he would not be selling his shares. Bezos, he added, is “a genius.” While conceding that “from a public-relations standpoint,” the whole thing is not “ideal,” Anthony DiClemente, senior managing director at Evercore ISI, told CNBC, “I don’t think the allegations have a direct line into the fundamentals of Amazon.” Ron Josey, an Internet analyst at JMP Securities, concurred, saying he “would be surprised if it had a negative impact on Amazon.” (Amazon’s stock has fallen approximately 5 percent since the day before Bezos announced his intent to divorce, though, per CNBC, the reason for the decline “is likely the company’s warning during the earnings call last week of increased spending and slowing growth in 2019.”)

Of course, strong fundamentals and a penchant for multi-tasking likely aren‘t the only reasons analysts are sticking with Bezos. Their resilience probably also has something to do with the fact that, in taking the story into his own hands, Bezos is standing up to a “journalistic” enterprise that ranks several notches below the parasites that feed on pond scum—and, by proxy, its biggest presidential fan.

“Bezos is that extraordinary, and Amazon is that extraordinary, that he can bring down a bully,” Davia Temin, founder of crisis-management firm Temin and Co, told Bloomberg. “He’s got the courage, and the position as the richest man in the United States, and I think his courage in standing up to the extortion is going to outweigh the details behind the extortion.” Is he still the founder of a company known for decimating competitors and grinding workers into the dirt? Sure! Would the tabloid fracas in which he is currently embroiled have taken down any other, equally horny exec? Probably! But with Bezos, the dick-pic moxie is strong.

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Report: rich people on high alert for dick-pic leaks in wake Bezos scandal

Bezos may have the support of shareholders and a level of wealth at which he is, as Bloomberg’s Matt Levine put it, “too rich to be embarrassed,” but not everyone enjoys those comforts. And presumably, those who don’t are planning accordingly right about now:

When Jeff Bezos alleged in a blog post Thursday that he was the victim of blackmail attempts by the publisher of The National Enquirer, it probably sent chills down the spines of billionaires everywhere. . . . Ask any family office about its biggest fears and cyber-security is near the top. Personal protection no longer involves just bodyguards and a top-notch alarm system. The Internet Age has seen a massive shift in people storing their most sensitive and personal data online, where it’s vulnerable to hacking and intrusion.

“The perception among very affluent people is often, ‘I have this level of wealth, I’m untouchable,’” Mark Johnson, chief executive officer of Sovereign Intelligence, told Bloomberg. “But the systems they have in place for protecting their personal identifiable information are very weak.” On the bright side, this whole Bezos situation will presumably result in a jobs boom for security experts who can keep, for instance, Warren Buffett or Bill Gates’s nudes on lockdown.

Jared Kushner is going on a road trip

It’s through the Middle East to promote his “peace plan,” and apparently includes a pit stop at a special friend‘s:

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Kushner, as you may recall, is tight with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, who U.S. intelligence agencies say ordered the killing of journalist and Saudi dissident Jamal Khashoggi. That friendship came in handy when Donald Trump effectively decided to let the kingdom get away with murder and is apparently still going strong despite a rather damning new report from The New York Times detailing audio of a conversation in which bin Salman reportedly said he would go after Khashoggi “with a bullet.”

Steve Cohen begging someone to take Midtown duplex off his hands

In fact, he’s practically giving it away at this point:

The billionaire has dropped the price of his Midtown Manhattan duplex more than six times in six years and is now asking $45 million for the apartment—a $70 million discount to the $115 million he originally listed it for in April 2013.

Cohen, the founder of Point72 Asset Management, bought the five-bedroom unit in One Beacon Court between 58th and 59th Streets for $24 million in 2005. He hired architect Charles Gwathmey, who renovated the Guggenheim Museum, to work on the 9,000-square-foot space. The apartment is the only duplex in the building.

According to broker Victoria Shtainer, prospective buyers will theoretically be banging down Cohen’s door. “He finally got it right, and the market will show him that,” she told Bloomberg.

Reminder: Trump hates illegal immigrants unless they’re working in one of his businesses

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before:

The Washington Post spoke with 16 men and women from Costa Rica and other Latin American countries, including six in Santa Teresa de Cajon, who said they were employed at the Trump National Golf Club Bedminster. All of them said that they worked for Trump without legal status—and that their managers knew. . . . In Bound Brook, a majority-Hispanic town where many of the area’s blue-collar workers live, the presence of illegal workers on Trump’s staff was widely known, according to people in the community.

“It was far more systematic than two or three housekeepers,” said Joyce Phipps, executive director of Casa de Esperanza, a legal-aid organization for immigrants, who said she has had several clients who were Bedminster employees. “It’s been a very open secret.”

In a statement, the Trump Organization told the Post: “We have tens of thousands of employees across our properties and have very strict hiring practices. If any employee submitted false documentation in an attempt to circumvent the law, they will be terminated immediately. We take this issue very seriously.”

Republicans: if Democrats are allowed to see Trump’s tax returns, no one will be safe!

“This isn’t about the tax returns of presidents and vice presidents, but about making sure Congress does not abuse its authority,” wrote Representatives Mike Kelly and Kevin Brady in a letter arguing that the president’s tax returns—the ones he himself promised to release but strangely never has—must stay under lock and key. “Where does it end?” Kelly asked during a hearing on Thursday, insisting it’s a slippery slope between allowing Democrats to see the president’s taxes, and the tax returns of every private American going public. “What about the tax returns of the Speaker? Members of Congress? Federal employees? Or, for that matter, any political donors? There is no end in sight for those whose tax information may be in jeopardy.” Of course, there is an end in sight, and it’s in the White House, whose inhabitant’s tax returns are the only ones Democrats are interested in seeing, on account of that whole New York Times investigation accusing Trump of “outright“ tax fraud, among other things. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

Elsewhere!

New Evidence Emerges of Possible Wrongdoing by Trump Inaugural Committee (ProPublica)

Liberal Billionaire Threatens to Unseat Democrats Who Don’t Impeach Trump (The Hive)

Wall Street Fears Trump’s Trade War Is About to Get Worse (The Hive)

Bank of America boosts C.E.O. Brian Moynihan’s pay 15 percent to $26.5 million after record profit last year (CNBC)

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal includes a federal jobs guarantee (CNBC)

Student’s Funds Seized After Paying $500,000 Rent on Penthouse (Bloomberg)

IHOP debuting “Pancizzas” in honor of National Pizza Day (N.Y.P.)

The Church with the $6 Billion Portfolio (N.Y.T.)

Amazon Reconsiders NY Expansion Plans Amid Opposition (Bloomberg)

Anyone in the Market for a 5-Bedroom, 2.5-Bathroom Suburban Sex Palace? (Elle)

“He’s a Genius”: Wall Street Praises Bezos for Dick-Pic Moxie

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Bess Levin

Politics Correspondent