Friendly Neighborhood Nightmare

10 Burning Questions About That Truly Hideous Spider-Man: Homecoming Poster

When terrible posters happen to (seemingly) good movies.

There’s barely a month to go until the release of Spider-Man: Homecoming, which means it’s time for the marketing campaign to go into overdrive to convince every quadrant of moviegoer that it’s a must-see. So, how’s the latest poster doing in piquing our interest?

Oh dear. Oh boy. We have some questions.

Why do Spider-Man, Iron Man, AND the Vulture all appear twice, both in costume and out? Were they worried about filling up space?

Why does Jon Favreau have third billing? “The new Spider-Man movie, starring . . . Tony Stark’s assistant!”

If this is a Spider-Man movie, why is Robert Downey Jr.’s head larger than Tom Holland’s?

For that matter, why does he appear to be on fire?

Why is Marisa Tomei the only one smiling? And don’t even get us started on how tiny her head is. She is an Oscar winner. Show some respect.

How did they manage to transplant the Washington Monument to somewhere north of midtown Manhattan? At least they’ve got the directions right—the view of Manhattan does appear to be from Peter Parker’s home borough of Queens.

Why weren’t they content with one orange explosion? Who felt the need to add an additional purple one? And who’s the guy wielding the purple explosion, anyway?

Is Michael Keaton wearing… fur? Vultures have feathers. Everybody knows that.

Is it just us, or does Tom Holland look like he’s wearing a Hogwarts robe?

And finally: what did a movie that actually looks pretty good do to deserve this nightmare of graphic design? Spider-Man: Homecoming faces a ton of pressure, both as an effort to revive the Spider-Man franchise and as the first true attempt to integrate Spidey (owned by Sony) with the rest of the Avengers crew (owned by Disney/Marvel). It’s fairly miraculous that the two studios managed to cooperate enough to make this movie possible, and even more miraculous that it looks pretty good! But this poster is far too bogged down by the many different threads of the Marvel universe to highlight anything that’s made Spider-Man: Homecoming seem special so far. At least Zendaya’s hair is pretty great?

Vanity Fair’s 2017 Cannes Film Festival Portfolio

  • This image may contain FrançoisHenri Pinault Clothing Apparel Sleeve Human Person Evening Dress Fashion and Gown
  • Image may contain Clothing Apparel Tilda Swinton Human Person Robe Fashion Wood and Home Decor
  • Image may contain Alejandro Gonzlez Iñrritu Emmanuel Lubezki Clothing Apparel Human Person Pants and Mary Parent
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Photograph by Justin Bishop. Hayek wears Yves Saint Laurent and a Boucheron necklace. Pinault wears Gucci.
Salma Hayek, François Pinault
François Henry Pinault’s French luxury company Kering is one of the primary backers of the Cannes Film Festival—which makes the businessman and wife Salma Hayek almost regal fixtures at the festival each year. Hayek experienced her first Cannes, at age 26, from an entirely different perspective—as a young actress debuting 1995’s Desperado, the Western action film that launched her star in America. “I was completely new in this business, and I remember when I arrived at the red carpet I’d never seen so many photographers,” said the Mexican-born actress. These days, Hayek and husband Pinault attend and host parties, including Kering’s lavish Women in Motion dinner—a candlelit award ceremony that honored Isabelle Huppert this year. In 2016, Pinault said the couple managed to find a memorable moment of quiet and solitude during the French Riviera’s frenzied festival. “Last year, we escaped the madness of the red carpet, and went to have the famous bouillabaisse at Tetou,” said Pinault, “It was a peaceful moment between two lovers and a break.”
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